Getting Through
by Dr. Eminem
Summary: Day THree isn't over yet. There has to be one more "problems solved." Will Kate and Jack get back together? Or has Kate finally reached her breaking point? What about Jack's little problem, how will he solve that?
1. The let down

He sat outside of her house. He had been there for an hour trying to get the guts to walk up and knock on the door. It had been a long week and a long day. All he wanted to do was curl up with someone he felt like his old self with and forget the past year. He wanted to tell her everything he had done, and how horrible he felt. He needed to let the feelings out, but he knew it would hurt her. He had to keep them to himself, allow them to haunt him so that she would not be hurt by what he did. He walked up to the house and he could hear the music through her door. He could hear her lovely voice come over too.

__

Sometimes I watch the world go by

I wonder what it's like

To wake up ever single day

Smile on your face you never tried

We both know

We can't change it

But we both know

We'll just have to face it

You just bring down

So I'm counting my tears

Till I get over you

If only I could give you what

Jack was not sure if he should proceed. He really wanted to. After almost loosing everything again he took the time to look at himself in the mirror and he did not like the man looking back. He did not recognize him, he was not he same Jack Bauer from what seemed like so many years ago. He was not even a shell of the person he use to be. He hoped that maybe she would help him find himself again. He needed someone to help him.

He grunted to himself about this. He needed someone to help him. What would his father had said? Probably would have laughed at him saying, "Boy there is not time to find yourself. You work hard and provide for your family. Other than that there is nothing else to find out about yourself." Jack had been able to deal with some of these pearls of wisdom that still haunted him and made him feel worthless at times, but it all changed when he lost Teri. He had failed on that part of his job as a "man", to protect his family. He was ready to leave Teri after they separated. He could not open up to her like she wanted, he knew it was for her own good but she would not understand. He tried to explain to her once that if he told her everything he had ever done it would be the equivalent of telling a mother who abandoned her child early in life, but came back later how lousy of a parent she was. It would hurt her, and he did not want to hurt her. She never accepted this. At the same time he was mad because she would chastise him for the relationship he had outside while they were separated, he never brought up the fact that he knew about the doctor or psychiatrist she had hooked up with while they were separated. He held it inside like everything else and let it boil till he wanted to explode, like the lid off a soda that had been shaken up to much and the carbon dioxide wanted to get escape.

He knocked on the door. His hand slightly shaking as he brought it up to knock. He was worried Kate would tell him to go to hell. After all he had done to her he half expected it. He stood in the doorway for a minute and waited for her to open the door. His mind was telling him, "You fool she looked out the peep hole saw it was you and sad fuck it. If you were on fire right now she would not have wasted the water to put you out because of how you treated her."

With that thought the door opened. She said in a cold voice that he had expected, "Jack. Nice to see you." She did not even feign actually caring.

"Hi. Uhm." He looked down at his feet, this was hard for him to do. "Can we talk for a minute?"

"I have someone coming over in a few minutes. How about we do this later?" She wasn't lying she did have her new "friend" coming over and she could only guess how he would react to see Jack standing there.

"Oh sorry." He looked down again. His mind screaming at him, "I told you so. You stupid fool. She doesn't want you anymore. No one wants you. No one ever would want someone as pathetic as you."

She noticed the flower in his hands and she figured he was trying to get back into her life. She almost smiled at the thought.

"Here I got these for you. Sort of sorry for how I broke it off with you. I better get going anyways work to do." Jack said handing her the flowers and than walking away quickly trying to find some dignity to hold on too. When he reached the driveway he was almost hit by a black Lexus that came speeding into it. He looked up and saw a guy behind the wheel of the car. His heart sank lower, she had moved on.

The man got out and said, "Sorry about that."

Jack smiled at him and said, "It's ok." Jack continued down the driveway. He could feel the mans eyes on him as he walked to his SUV across the street. He knew what the man was thinking, _Sucker_. When he reached the SUV he got in and sped off down the quiet suburban road towards his loud city apartment.

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Kate was surprised that he had showed up. She had heard his name in the new earlier for breaking Ramon Salazar out of prison and than taking down the mad man Steven Saunders that haunted L.A. with the virus, but she did not expect him to stop by. A part of her wish he would so she could show him she had moved on, even if it was a lie to herself and him. She still thought of him every night and would roll over some nights hoping he was next to her in bed like he had been for those few months, but every night she was disappointed again.

When she saw him it hurt her to see him like that, but she knew she added to it with her cold demeanor. It made her mad that he thought he could just come back into her life whenever he wanted and leave again when he needed to. That was not what she wanted. She wanted a man who wanted to be with her as much as she wanted to be with him. After he left she walked into the kitchen where she had dinner cooking for her dinner date tonight. She grabbed a vase out of the cabnet and put the flowers in it. Part of her wanted to throw them on the ground and jump on them, but another part of her urged her to read the card. She heard a knock on the door. Her heart jumped, could it be him coming back not taking her answer. She walked to the door pulse racing, she opened it and there was Harlod. She smiled and said "Hello. Come on it. I'm almost don't cooking."

Harold walked in and asked, "Who was that out there just now?"

Her heart sank he had seen him. Would Jack do anything now, she doubted it. "Uhm Jack Bauer." She answered. Harold knew who Jack was because he had been there for Kate as a friend at first after her and Jack broke up.

"Oh." He said. "What did he want?" Trying to figure out if he was going to have to go head to head with Jack for Kate.

"He just stopped by to say sorry. He wanted to let me know he made it back on too. Just being nice. Nothing more." She lied. There had been more and she hoped secretly that there would be more.

Harold was not stupid. He knew Kate wanted Jack back again. She acted like she didn't, but in the end Jack was a hard man to fight against. He was the secret agent man all women dreamed of, Jack had been the night in shinning armor for Kate, and you can't go against that, especially for a hopeless romantic like Kate. "Kate We need to talk." Harold would tell her before she could tell him.

"Ok. Let me go turn the oven off." Kate thought she knew what was coming and was worried about what it might do to her or there friendship because she had always cherished him as a friend, and knew the minute they got involved it was wrong to do so.

When she came back out Harold stood in the door way still. "Kate I know you still want to be with Jack and I don't want to stand in the way. I know you to well for you to try to lie to me. Just tell him if he hurts you again I don't care who or what he knows I will hurt him. You have been my best friends since we meant, and we both know we could not be much else without ruining the friendship. So let's just be friends, and you try to get that man straightened out for yourself." Harold said goodbye and left Kate standing with a huge dinner cooked and no one to eat it with.

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Kate took the food out of the oven and thought about taking it over to Jack's, but she was not going to give in. She had to listen to her head on this one. Instead she made herself a plate and walked out to her CD player. Her friend Monica had made her a CD entitled _The Post Break Up Music: He was a loser anyways_. Monica had told her that it was meant for every break up and would give any women enough strength to see it was just another mistake.

Kate flipped through the songs passing by Survivor by Desinty Child and kept flipping through till she reached the one she wanted to hear.

__

Can you see me

Floating above your head

As you lay in bed

Thinking about everything

That you did not do

Cause saying I love you

Has nothing to meaning it

She felt better by hearing the worlds. She knew her heart was not the only one aching tonight. Harold and Jack could join in with the misery. Misery always loved company, and it had a trio tonight. She hated hurting Harold, but he was right as long as she thought of Jack she should not have been with him. It was not fear to either of them. She hated Jack at the moment because he was still there, even though he left her so many months ago. She could hear it in his voice earlier in the day. She had wanted him to come over, she had given him a chance and he shrugged her off. He would send someone to pick it up, as if it were to unbearable to come himself. And now the day was over, and surely he had done a lot of the things that tormented his soul, he would run to her for the night and leave again in the morning. She thought, "Not this time Jack. I'm not going to let you do it to me again."

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And I don't trust you

Cause every time you're here

Your intentions are unclear

I spend every hour waiting for a phone call

That I know will never come

I used to think you were the one

Now I'm sick of thinking anything at all

Kate put her food down, no longer hungry. She walked over to the bar and poured herself a stiff scotch. She drank it down and poured another. She laughed to herself as she thought, _You always will have the scotch to keep you company. The scotch he bought you_. She took the bottle and threw it outside. She studied the flowers he had brought her. As if that were enough to mend the broken heart he caused her. She took them out of the vase and walked over to the garbage can throwing them inside, and walked away. She grabbed her cordless phone and walked out of the room to call her friend Monica.

__

You aint ever coming back to me

That's not how things were supposed to be

You take my hand just to give it back

No other lover has ever done that

Monica answered the phone and she could tell Kate was distressed about something, "What's wrong?"

"He came over."

"Harold was suppose to come over." Monica said not understanding who he was. She could hear the CD she made for Kate after Jack left her again, playing in the background. "Did Harold break up with you?" Monica asked.

"Yes, but that's not the he I was talking about."

Monica finally getting the point said, "OHHHHHHH!!!"

"Yeah."

"That arshole." Monica said for support. She knew Jack, and she did not think he was an arshole, just a prick some times.

"I still miss him. But I'm not going to run back to him. He'll only hurt me again, I can't let him do this to me. He can't just walk into my life every time he has a bad day, or when he feels like it. I'm not his doormat." Kate said knowing the alcohol was talking with her.

"Kate. Listen to me for a moment. Forget him. You have to find a way to let him go. You know he is really not from our world, and he tried so hard, but he couldn't' do it. Kate he loves his job, he was very upfront with you on that subject. You tried to change him, but he wouldn't. Now forget about him. Tomorrow night we are going out together and we will find Mr. Right for you, or we can go see a romantic comedy and dream of actually having that happen."

"Romantic comedy sounds good. Girls night out. We don't need no stinking men." Kate said. It had been a tradition with them every time one of their hearts got broken to have a few girls night out where the broken hearted and the other could get together and both agree they didn't need no stinking men.

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Do you remember

The way we used to melt

Do you remember how it felt

When I touched you

Oh cause I remember very well

Jack was in his car outside the liquor store. He had just went in and bought himself a twelve pack of Corona bottles, and a bottle of tequila. He knew what his night would consist of: drinking tequila shots and chasing it with corona until he passed out or was to numb to feel his heart breaking. He was agitated by the music on the radio. What ever station he turned on it had some song about a fool who left a great woman and was now regretting it. This station wasn't any different, but he had already went through all his other stations so he just settled on the song.

__

And how long has it been

Since someone you let in

Has given what I gave to you

And at night when you sleep

Do you dream I would be there

Just for a minute or two do you?

He pulled inside his drive way when his cell phone rang. He hoped it was Kim with news on Chase. He knew Chase had gotten out of surgery and was stable, but had not woke up yet. Kim said she would call him when Chase woke up. He looked at the caller id and saw it was his office phone, which meant it was someone from CTU and more specifically Brad Hammond.

"Bauer?" Jack answered his phone.

"Jack where the hell are you? You were suppose to come back and interrogate one of the curriers. Where the hell are you?" Hammond screamed over the phone.

"I had to make a quick stop somewhere. I'll be there in a few minutes." Jack answered back, trying to keep himself from getting pissed. He had been working for over 24 hours, knocked out twice, killed his boss, lived through withdrawal, and other things just to have this new arshole screaming at him. Jack felt his head start to pound and he said, "I'll be there as soon as possible."

Hammond wanted to wring Jack's neck at the moment. He was already down two agents as Michelle had left work, and Tony was going to prison, he needed more people to work. "Get here now." Hammond said into the phone.

Jack felt like asking, "Or What?" But he knew he was in enough trouble with the prison break, riot, Nina's death, lying to the President, Chases hand, and Ryan's death. "I should be there in ten minutes." Jack said into the phone. He noticed his hand start to shake slightly and he knew the drug was wearing off Ramon had given him. He did not look forward to the withdrawal symptoms again. He was tempted to shoot up before he went back to work, but he did not have any of the drug, and he promised himself.

__

You ain't ever coming back to me

That's how things were supposed to be

You take my hand just to give it back

No other lover has ever done that

He needed the drug with all that had gone on, and now being shrugged off by Kate, and her new boyfriend. Her new boyfriend. He was a dweeb looking mug, Jack thought to himself. _Seriously how could she be attracted to him. He was rich, that he had on Jack, but really what else could there be._

__

Heartache Heartache I just have so much

A simple love with a complex touch

There is nothing you can say or do

I called to let you know I'm through with you

Jack pulled into CUT. He was ready to go to sleep or anything at the moment, he did not want to work more. He got out of his SUV and walked inside. Some people looked at him in shock, the word that he was a drug addicted that killed Nina Myers, and just chopped of Chase Edmunds hand off had gotten through CTU already. Jack would not be surprised if the story was that he had done it to Chase because she was sleeping with Kim, and not because Chase had a deadly virus attached to his hand. He would not be at least bit shocked if the story was that he had connected the device to Chase's hand and than without a thought chopped it off, and Chase begged and pleaded for him not to do it. Jack felt horrible again for doing it, and for his own problems. He felt his stomach tighten in pain as he walked up the steps to his office where Hammond awaited him.


	2. The betryal?

Kate friend Monica had long since left. She was alone again, in the silence of her house. The only noise present was the air conditioner and the stereo on in the back ground. Monica came well prepared with two six packs of Baccardi O3. Kate had drank most of the first six pack to herself leaving only two bottles left in the second. It was catching up to her as she listened to The Counting Crows sing about Mr. Jones. She was tired and mad. Jack had done it to her again. She had moved on and he came back to ruin whatever she had going. She tried to get away from him but she could not escape because every time she felt like she was away he came back. She had went back out while Monica was there and got the flowers out of the garbage. She read the card:

Dear Kate, I'm sorry. I know I am wrong for you. I'm sorry if I ever hurt you. Please forgive me. I'm trying to . . .

He didn't finish the card, but she was sure what he was trying to do, and that was make her crazy. She was drunk and wanted to tell him what was on her mind.

She dialed his cell phone number and got his voice mail, when she tried his home number she got his answering machine. She got off the couch and found her keys. She still had his house key. She would just go there and find him. He was probably sitting on the couch listening to the nasty voice mail she left him or the nasty message on the answering machine.

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Jack walked into his office and said, "I'm here." To Hammond who was sitting in Jack's desk chair studying a report.

"Sit." Hammond said in a cold voice.

"I thought you wanted me to interrogate one of the curriers?" Jack questioned.

"Sit." Hammond replied angry and ready to explode. "What were you thinking?"

"I don't understand." Jack answered confused. He thought, _What have I done now?_

"You are a junky." Hammond said staring at Jack.

Jack felt his anger rise, he was a junky, but he did it for his country, but he was sure what was coming next.

"You sat here in this office. How many time did you shoot up here, Jack?" Hammond said stressing the last part.

Jack did not answer he looked down at his feet to avoid making eye contact. He was not proud of himself, he knew what he had did, and why he really did it, but it was no ones business. In the end he got the job down and that is what CTU wanted, results. It didn't matter how you got them as long as you kept millions of people from dying that's all that mattered, but no one could see this.

"Your out Jack. Your finished. Pack your stuff and leave."

"What?" Jack said now looking up angrier than before.

"Your through. Das ist alles."

Jack wanted to scream at him, _What the fu(k? I've sacrificed everything for this damn place and now your going to turn your back on me._

Hammond continued noticing the slight anger in Jack's face, "Your lucky the President stepped in on your behalf because otherwise you would be sitting next to Tony. I hope you screw up too because you deserve to sit next to Tony, with all you have done. You know how many lives you took away today with that little prison stunt, than the Delta team that got taken out, and the virus being let lose."

"I saved more lives than were lost. How many people do you think would have died if we did not get to Saunders in time? How many more would have died if I didn't even go undercover with the Salazar originally, or even found out about the virus? How many more would have been lost if . . ." Jack paused as a memory came back to him. Saunders had been gloating earlier today and said something to the effect that one day his country would turn on him and he would understand. Jack got up still quiet. He walked out of the office everyone in CTU heard their conversation, but said nothing. He noticed Michelle as he walked out of CTU. She looked at him with the "I'm sorry" look on her face. He didn't say anything he just walked out.

He reached his SUV and noticed that he had a message on his phone. He played the voice mail back and it was Kate.

"Jack you miserable a$$hole. Because your life sucks you have to drag everyone else down. Do you think I'm your doormat. Because it seems every time you have a bad day you come walking to me, and leave the next day. DO you know what you ruined today for me? Do you know anything? Do you care about anybody else but yourself you miserable pr!(K."

Jack was taken back by Kate's words, but he felt that they were true. He was a miserable a$$hole. The main reason why he didn't like Kim with Chase was because she would leave him, not just Chase being in field ops. He didn't do anything to help Michelle and Tony out either. He didn't even ask the President to pardon Tony. With that thought he dialed the Presidents number. He would do one right thing today if it was the last right thing he ever did.

After stating his name a hundred times he was patched through to the president. "Mr. President I have a favor to ask of you." Jack started.

"What is it Jack?" Palmer was worried because usually a call from Jack meant something bad was happening.

"Do you remember Tony Almeida?"

"Yes he's the director of CTU."

"Not anymore sir. He did something today to save his wife. They are charging him with treason. I was hoping you would pardon him. He's a good man who has done a lot for this country, and he doesn't deserve this." Jack said into the phone.

"I'll look into it Jack, but I've gotten myself in enough deep water today with the Sherry incident, than clearing up your troubles."

"If you have to sir I'll take the fall for whatever thing someone chooses today that I have done wrong. He doesn't deserve this." Jack said.

"I'll do it Jack." Palmer said knowing it meant a lot to Jack since he was willing to take the blame on.

"Thank you sir." Jack said as he hung the phone up. He put his head against his steering wheel blocking out the wave a nausea and stomach pain that over came him. He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to block it out.


	3. Low Man Break Down

He drove home alone again. Sometimes he would tell himself being alone there is nothing wrong with it, it was just the way of life. People would be alone and in the end we were all alone in dying. It didn't take the feeling of dread away when he would get home late at night no one there, or when he woke up in the morning and the only thing awaiting him was another day at work, and as he walked into the house it hit him, that isn't waiting for him anymore.

He walked in dropping his coat in the entrance of the house, and taking his shoes off he walked over to the stereo and turned it on pressing play. He didn't care what CD was in he just needed something to take away the quiet reality of his life.

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My eyes seek reality

My fingers seek my veins

There's a dog at your back step

He must come in from the rain

I fought cause I let go

Let me low as right away

So my eyes seek reality

And my fingers seek my veins

__

He lowered himself on the couch his anger catching up with him. He sacrificed everything and here he was alone with nothing to show for it. Is this all life is one big battle that no one will ever win? Saunders was right they turned their back on him, they were finished with him and no longer needed him. He no longer served them so he could just be discarded. He was all used up, no longer useful let him go on his own, and the truth was he knew this day would come, yet he still was surprised by it. Still surprised after almost forty years of life he had nothing to show for it, but Kim. In truth Kim was Terri's child. Terri was responsible for the way Kim turned out not Jack. He knew he was not around enough to contribute, the only thing he contributed was half the genetic code.

__

A trash fire is warm

But nowhere safe from the storm

And I can't bear to see

What I've let me be

So wicked and worn

He got off the couch the last part of the versus getting to him. _And I can't bear to see, what I've let me be, so wicked and worn. _Chase was smarter than Jack could ever be, Jack thought, he quit before the job got him. The job got Jack a long time ago. Caused him to become cold, cold enough to kill a man in cold blood because some terrorist said so, or just to keep his cover in tact. How many people had he killed? To many to count and to many to ever be forgiven for.

__

So as I write to you

Of what is done and to do

Maybe you'll understand

And won't cry for this man

Cause low man is due

He stood in his living room staring at the wall contemplating his next move. His body ached, and screamed for the drug, but he promised himself. The voice came in his head, _What are you quitting for? There's nothing left for you. Kim doesn't want you anymore she has Chase, he's not cold like you. Kate she was smart enough to tell you to piss off. There's nothing left for you, so why not go out in a ball of joy._

Rage over came him and everything in his path was displaced. He flipped the couch, coffee table over, pictures on the wall knocked down, glass shattering all around him. Nothing was left in the room by the end of his rage he ran to the bathroom as a wave of nausea overcame him. Sitting on the bathroom floor his head over the toliet the voice came over again, _You still have some. It is under the sink. What's one last one?_

Please forgive me

My eyes seek reality

My fingers feel for fate

Touch clean with a dirty hand

I touch the clean to the ways

He crawled over to the sink and opened the cabinet underneath. After moving some of the cleaning supplies he found what he was looking for. He crawled back to the wall, his body unwilling to do much more work other than crawling. He set the vile of the drug and needle next to him on the floor. He leaned against the wall looking at it, it was calling for him. He knew it would block the pain and loneliness out, but that was only temporary it would come back, it always did.

The trash fire warm

But nowhere safe from the storm

And I can't bear to see

What I've let me be

So wicked and worn

He stared at it entranced by its magical power over him. He could beat it, he would beat it. He was not going to become another junky. He could fight it, he was Jack Bauer he could fight anything. He was not going to loose completely to them. Them being everyone who ever did wrong to him, Salazar's, Nina, CTU, the government, Saunders, God, and everything else. He would show them. The pain come through and he slumped to the floor curling himself up into a fetal position, sweat pouring off him. He tried to block the pain out. He would hold out as long as he could, maybe he could hold out indefinitely.

So as I write to you

of what is done and to do

Maybe you'll understand

And won't cry for this man

Cuz low man is due

__

Please forgive me

Please forgive me

Please forgive me

Kate reached Jack's apartment. She stumbled to the front door, she could hear the music through the door. She banged loudly for a few minutes, but with no answer she walked to the back of the town house where he kept a spare key for the door. She searched the back till she found the key on the frame above the door. She thought to herself, _How original. And he's a federal agent._ She unlocked the door and walked inside. She searched the first floor, the living room, dining room, kitchen and did not see him. She continued her search upstairs trying to yell over the music to find Jack. She stumbled up the steps. She searched the rooms right off the steps. His study, bedroom, and finally she stopped only one room left.

She walked to the end of the hall and saw Jack curled up on the floor staring at a syringe with a substance in it. She watched for a minute to see if he would see that she was there.

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So low the sky is all I see

All I want from you is forgive me

So you bring this poor dog in from the rain

Though he just wants right back out again

So I cry to the alley

Confess all to the rain

But I lie, lie straight to the mirrors

The one I've broken to match my face

Jack did not hear her enter nor did he see her standing at the entrance of the bathroom. He was staring intently at the needle his mind battling to make a decision as it screeched in pain. He knew it would take it all away. All the regrets, all the sadness, and the horrible things he had done would all go away for awhile.

Kate yelled to him so he would hear her over the music, "Jack are you ok?"

Jack heard her, but his mind was to far off to respond. He did not want to break his trance with the syringe part of him afraid it would go away, and another part afraid it wouldn't go away.

Kate kneeled next to him. She hated him at the moment, but she had never seen him like this. He was covered in sweat entranced in the syringe. She could only guess what it held. She touched him causing him to jump out of the trance. Pain showing on his face at the sudden movement caused his withdrawal to kick in worse.

"Kate?" He said almost in a whisper.

She could make the word that came out of his mouth but she could not hear it because of the music. "Jack. What's wrong?" She asked not knowing exactly why he was staring at the drug so intently. She did not know about his addiction yet.

Jack almost broke down seeing Kate. The memory of what he did to her, her siter, and that entire day came rushing back. He actually told Kim to kill someone. He was a monster. "I'm sorry Kate." Jack said almost to himself.

"What?" Kate asked not hearing him.

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The trash fire is warm

But nowhere safe from the storm

And I can't bear to see

What I've let me be

So wicked and worn

So as I write to you

Of what is done and to do

Maybe you'll understand

And won't cry for this man

Because low man is due

"Come on Jack. Let's get you up off the floor." Kate said grabbing his arm. As she did so she looked down at him. Her eyes full of kindness, she was still pissed at him, but he looked so horrible, and she feared for him. "Let's get you changed out of these clothes and than some food. We can talk than."

Jack got up his stomach and body wrenching in pain. He walked wearily with her to his bedroom. She sat him on the bed where he hugged himself tightly.

Kate looked at Jack and noticed how vulnerable looking he was. She hated and loved him again all at once. She grabbed new clothes for him to put on so he could get out of his sweat drenched clothes.

Jack unbuttoned his shirt and did not care if she noticed the track marks on his arm. The truth had already come out so it did not have to be hidden anymore. Jack Bauer was a weak junky, that was him.

Kate noticed the marks and her drunk mind made the logical connections it should have made earlier. She was not sure what to do. She almost gasped when she saw the marks, but instead she closed her eyes holding back tears. She felt like a horrible person at the moment. She turned her back on him earlier when he was trying to reach out to her, but than the voice came over, _He didn't want help. He was the one that left you. Don't you feel bad._

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Please forgive me

Please forgive me

So low the sky is all I see

All I want from you is forgive me

So you bring this poor dog in from the rain

Though he just wants right back out again

Jack felt his stomach turn and he quickly ran to the bathroom. He fell to his knees in front of the toilet and got sick. Kate walked in behind and kneeled next to him. Putting her hand on his back she gently rubbed circles as he dry heaved over the toilet. "Shhh. It's ok Jack. I'll be here with you."

After what seemed like forever he finished and sat up. "Thanks." He said to Kate. She looked at his eyes and they were not the same eyes she use to get lost in. They conveyed pain and were blood shot. She wanted to protect him again from everything, but Jack was not one to be protected. "Why don't you go lay down for awhile?" Kate said getting off the floor.

Jack didn't want her to leave, he was not sure if he could do this himself and not slip. The drug was there, all over he could get to it easily and fix his problem for the time. "Sure." He said getting up he walked into his room and lay on the bed. Kate sat next to him gently running her hands through his hair, trying to help him relax. She use to do it all the time when he would come home from CTU stressed out.

After an hour Jack's body relaxed and he fell asleep. Kate lay next to him and fell asleep next to him.

__

My eyes seek reality

My fingers seek my veins

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	4. I'm gonna Leave you baby

Kate awoke in the morning. She rolled over to find no one next to her. She quickly shook the sleep away and got out of the bed. The house was silent as if no one was there. She walked into the bathroom and the syringe with the liquid still sat on the floor. She was relived to see it, that meant he did not use this time, or at least not that one. She went through the house calling his name trying to find him. She finished searching the house and did not find him.

Kate sat on the couch and through to herself, _Maybe he just stepped out for a minute. _She looked out the window his car was gone, but nothing else. She bit her lip in frustration, where was he? He never just woke up and left he would always say goodbye. She searched the house again. When she reached the room again she was angry she had already tried calling him on his cell phone but he did not answer, she sat on the bed and then she looked over at the nightstand. There was a white sheet of paper that caught her eye. She noticed his scribbled writing on it.

__

I'm sorry about last night. I'm sorry I ever hurt you. Please forgive me. Goodbye.

No dear Kate, no signature just the awful truth he was gone again. This was his way of leaving her again. She cursed herself, _You let him to it to you again. Bring the hope of being with him and than he leaves. How stupid can you be_.

She decided to wait for him to come back, he may be in a fragile state, but he could handle the truth, and that was what he needed the truth about himself.

She waited all day and he never returned. Part of her began to wonder if he saw her car and kept driving; if he just drove off to an unknown location; or even if he was hurt somewhere, possibly trying to get a fix and instead got much more than he bargain for.

She jumped as the phone rang. She answered in praying it was Jack even if he was just going to tell her to get the hell out. "Hello?"

"Kate, I'm sorry I must have dialed the wrong number."

"Kim no I'm over at your fathers is he with you?"

"NO. I was just calling to tell him Chase is awake and everything seems fine. We were wondering if he was going to stop by. If not than I was told to come over there and drag his ars out of the house and bring him here so he could see everything was fine, and Chase was not pissed or regretful. Where is he?"

"I don't know that's why I asked if he was with you. I . . " Could Kim handle the fact that they spent the night together even if nothing happened, Kate paused to think. "I woke up and he was gone. He left a letter, and he hasn't been back since."

Kim was taken back by the fact that Kate had spent the night, but pushing past that something was wrong. He was not home, had not been home, and was no where else. "I'll try his cell phone again. Maybe he just needed some time alone." Kim said trying to console herself she had the same thoughts Kate was having as to Jack's where about.

Kim hung up and tried his cell phone six more times, getting the voice mail every time. Finally giving up she called Michelle for help.

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Jack drove out of town with Led Zeppelin playing on the car stereo. _Whole Lotta Love _blasting as he pushed the peddle down to get away faster. He felt as if he couldn't breath. He reached down taking his eyes off the road to change to song for on the first CD of the Led Zeppelin Box set. Getting to the song he wanted the slow ballad began to play.

__

Babe, baby, baby, I'm gonna leave you.  
I said baby, you know I'm gonna leave you.  
I'll leave you when the summertime,  
Leave you when the summertime comes arollin'  
Leave you when the summer comes along.  
  
Baby, baby, I don't wanna leave you,  
I ain't jokin' woman, I got to ramble.  
Oh, yeah, baby, baby, I won't be there,  
Really got to ramble.

__

His mind got back on task. He was driving and he already had enough problems staying alert. The song made him think of Kate, Kim and Teri. He had abandoned them all at one time or another, and here he was again abandoning Kate and Kim again. But he had to get out of town. He had to get away and deal with his problem on his own. He couldn't go to rehab it was not for him. He couldn't sit there and talk about his problems with the other addicts. He knew he could do this on his own. So he kept driving, towards an unknown location, towards a solution.

He would drive till he knew he could not drive any longer, when the withdrawal symptoms kicked in, he would find hotel pay cash so he could not be traced and let himself wait it out alone in the hotel room. That was the way problems should be dealt with not out in the open, not where everyone will learn about them.

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Michelle told Kim she would do everything she could to help find Jack. Michelle had wondered if Jack was trying to get a fix, she doubted it he was a strong man and she was sure he could beat his addiction, but than she never would have pinned him for an addict. She than began to wonder if someone had grabbed him along the way and Kate did not know it. It sounded like there was no struggle sign or even distress signs just Jack missing. She had to find him, she knew what he had done for Tony, and he had to be there for them to thank him.

Michelle dialed the number to the local police department. She waited until she got the desk sergeant, "Sgt I need you to put an APB out on Jack Bauer. He's driving a black SUV, licenses plate number 29GR82. Contact CTU as soon as you get a location on him."

Tony walked into CTU and everyone stared at him. He only came in to clear his stuff out, he knew he was finished with CTU, but he also thought his life was over with. He smiled at the thought that Palmer had pardoned him, and even called to tell him what Jack had been willing to do to help Tony. Tony knew he had a good friend, even if they did not always see things alike. Jack had always been there to help figure out stuff. Tony felt guilty for what he had said to Jack. He had no right to say it, he was angry and it was not the truth. He knew Jack did not kill his wife nor did his job, Tony felt guilty for Terri's death as much as Jack had, he should have known Nina was up to something, but he was blinded by love. He walked up to Michelle with a sad smile on his face.

"hey honey." He said hugging her. He missed her so much.

"Tony I missed you so much." Michelle said hoping he would not broach the subject to why they were separated because a part of her was disappointed at him for letting his feelings jeopardize millions of lives, she was not worth that, and he should of known that. She would of felt guilty and would not have been able to live with herself if they had not stopped Saunders before the virus was released again.

"When do you get off?" Tony asked, he knew she was disappointed in him, he could see it in her eyes when she saw him. He still would have done what he did, he loved her so much that killing millions to save her would of bothered him, but as long as she lived he would have been able to live with himself, she was everything to him, he could not live without her. He almost lost her once that day, and he was not going to loose her again because of Saunders, no one understood that.

"In a few hours. Why?" Michelle asked.

"Nothing just wondered when I'd see you at home. Do you want me to wait around or anything?" Tony said fearing if he left her he would not see her again.

"No. I have a few situations on my hands. Jack went missing." Michelle said.

"What?" Tony asked confused.

"Kim called me and said he disappeared he wasn't at home, and he's not answering his cell phone. I'm worried about him. Hammond got his revenge for Jack stepping in to help you. He fired Jack." Michelle said with the weight of what Jack could be up to hitting her. Jack was a good friend she had been able to have lunch with him on a regular basis when Tony was to busy to go out with her to lunch. She had seen the changes in him when he came back from Mexico and she felt guilty for not confronting him about it. She should have asked him, shown him that someone cared and was there for him. She should have done so much for him, he had done so much for her and Tony over the three years she had known him and now she was still at work not helping much. "How about you go looking for him Tony? I can get the police to help you."

"Sure." Tony said just as worried about Jack as Michelle was, his hopes of the romantic dinner dimming. Jack would be hard to find because if he didn't want to be found Tony knew he wouldn't find him unless he got lucky and just stumbled upon Jack.

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	5. New Sick visitor

Jack had been driving for awhile, he was far enough outside of L.A. to escape running into anyone who might know him, and the withdrawal symptoms were threatening to cause him to have trouble driving. He found a small motel off the highway. He walked inside soaked in sweat his face pale from the pain he felt. He waited a few minutes for the motel receptionist, most likely the owner, and older woman who was in the back watching Jerry Springer, to come out.

"How may I help you sir?" The woman said eying the man in front of her, suspicious as it was late and he did not look so well.

"I need a room for awhile." Jack answered.

"How long?"

"Couple of weeks. I need to get away from it all for awhile." Jack said to try to console the woman's suspicion he could see in her eyes.

Still suspicious the woman said, "That will be three hundred dollars cash." She was not one to turn down a customer no matter how suspicious they looked.

Jack pulled out his wallet and counted out the three hundred in twenties. He had stopped by the ATM before he left town and pulled out the max amount.

The old woman handed him a key to his room and said, "If you want the free breakfast it's at six a.m. sharp every morning and ends exactly at seven."

"Thanks." Jack said walking out of the office. He pulled his car around to the back of the motel and walked to his room. He opened the door and walked into the dark room studying it's contents. It looked like the room was not used much, the sparsely decorated room had a TV chained down to the dresser, a bed, a chair and a bathroom.

With that he looked at himself in the mirror in the bathroom he looked horrible. He knew the next few weeks were going to be hard, but he did not want to go to rehab. He did not want strangers searching around in his past, he could do that on his own. He could beat the addiction and not what caused it. He did not need to look at the demons to stop doing drugs he thought to himself, and no one else needed to know about his demons. He would do this on his won and prove to everyone that he was not weak and it was caused by his need to fit in with the Salazar's even if it was a lie. He looked around the room and didn't find a small fridge or even a cup for water. He knew he would have to drink plenty of water to keep himself hydrated, so he grabbed his wallet and the keys to the hotel room and walked across the highway to the small store that was still opened. When he walked inside the older gentlemen stared at him, this made Jack assume that they did not see a lot of out of Towner's here unless they were truckers, and Jack did not fit the typical trucker stereotype.

Jack grabbed a case of water and walked up to the cash registered he paid for the water with a twenty never once did he or the clerk speak. Which was fine with Jack because he wanted to be left alone. When he returned to his room Jack locked all the locks on the door and felt the nausea kick in again. He took the water and sat it on the floor of the bathroom next to his self. He would become good friends with the toilet and the bathroom over the next few days, while his system cleaned itself out and struggled to deal without the drug.

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Kim paced Jack's apartment. Chase sat on the couch looking at her trying to be there for her. "Where is he? Why hasn't he called me back? Do you think he got hurt? Maybe I should call the hospitals again?"

Kim had called every hospital in and around California at least two times in the past day looking for Jack. He was gone, but still there as his stuff inhabited the empty apartment. "Do you think he went on a binge, or maybe someone grabbed him? They could be torturing him or even worse killing him right now."

"I'm sure he just needed time alone Kim. He will come around soon." Chase tired to reassure her. There was a knock on the door and Kim ran to the door. She opened it hoping it was her father, but hwy would he knock. She was disappointed when she saw Tony.

"Hello. Has he called yet?" Tony asked. Tony had been searching for him for about a week now, and he still had seen no sign of Jack. The police didn't even have a sighting of him. CTU had joined in on the search because Hammond wanted to question Jack about the Salazar's, Saunders, Nina, and a lot of other things, but yet Jack was no where to be found. Almost like he dropped off the face of the Earth.

"No." Kim said tears in her eyes. She was worried sick about him, she could not loose him yet, she still needed her father.

"I'm sure he will surface." Tony said steeping into the apartment a bag of take out in his hand. When he said surface he cringed.

"You don't think he would hurt himself?" Kim said thinking of him driving his car off a ledge into the water, sure he would surface that way.

"No Jack is too stubborn for that." Tony said hoping it sounded more convincing that what he felt.

Kim knew he was lying but in order to comfort herself she let herself believe the lie. She needed to believe he would come back.

"I brought some food over. Michelle will be by after work, maybe CTU got a lead on him. Michelle told Hammond that you were out looking for him, so take all the time you need before you go back." Michelle had covered for Kim who did not bother to even call into work.

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Francis was worried about her customer. He had been there for almost a week and had never left his room. She made up her mind to go check on him, fearing that he killed himself. She always wondered why people would check into motels or hotels to kill themselves? It made it so much harder on the person who owned it. She knocked on the door waiting for an answer. When none came she took out her master keys and unlocked the room. The curtains were drawn shut tightly so that no light got into the dark room, she walked into the hot stuffy room saying loudly, "I was just checking on you. Thought I might clean the room for you." She saw him lying curled up in a fetal position on the bathroom floor. She ran into the bathroom and asked, "Are you ok?"

Jack never heard her come in. All he could feel was his aching muscles and stomach. He would have laughed if it would not have caused to much pain. He had been worried that he might break down and go and buy some of the drug when it got this rough, but he was so weak he couldn't imagine getting off the floor, walking out of the hotel room, driving to get the drug, and surviving it all. The dealers weren't the best people and they could have easily of taken him out. He grabbed his shirt he had taken off earlier because it was soaked in sweat and used it to wipe the sweat off his cold clammy face. Even though the room was hot and he was sweating he was freezing cold.

"I'll call the hospital." Francis said.

Jack barely said, "Please don't I'm fine."

Like a concerned mother, "You are far from fine."

Jack continued to plead, "Please don't. I will be fine."

Francis noticed the marks on his arms and she knew from the past what they were. She had to deal with something like this before, "Fine. I'm going to call my daughter. She's a EMT, working on her medical degree. She can help out." Francis knew her daughter was off for the next couple of weeks and she knew her daughter would know how to help. Having gone through the withdrawal herself before.

"Amber?" She said when her daughter, Amber answered the phone.

"Mom what's wrong?" Amber said hearing the worry in her voice.

"I need you to come to the motel. I have a customer he's sort of sick. He won't go to the hospital. Can you please come and check him out." Francis said not wanting to give all the information out.

"Sure mom" Amber said figuring it was just the flu or something. Amber grabbed her medical bag she carried with her and drove the few minutes to the motel. When she got there she walked to the room her mother had talked nonstop about. The attractive man who was sort of weird, but really nice looking, who hadn't left his room since he checked in.

Amber walked to the bathroom where she saw her mother kneeled down next to the man holding a cold wash cloth on his forehead trying to lower his temperature. "What's wrong with him?" Amber said before she saw the marks when she did she felt for him. She knew what he was going through, "Ok let's get him to the bed. What's your name?"

"J . . A . . C . . K . " he said with his teeth clanking together because he was so cold.

"Ok Jack. I'm Amber. Can you help me move you to the bed where you will be more comfortable and we can get you under the covers."

"Yeah." Jack said through clinched teeth. He tried to lift himself but he felt so weak. Amber grabbed his arm and Francis helped support his other arm together they walked to the bedroom. Jack sat on the bed, and Amber looked at him, she needed to somehow get fluid in him. Unsure of how to keep it in. If she gave him water she knew from experience it wouldn't stay down long. She said to her mother, "Do you have a bucket of some sort?"

"Yeah I'll go grab one from the diner across the street. Fred has a lot of buckets from the pickles." Francis left to get the bucket.

Amber grabbed her cell phone out and called her friend who was driving the EMT rig right now. "Scott I need your help." She said when he answered his cell phone, "Are you busy?"

"No. What do you need?"

"I have a friend who needs some saline IV drip. He's dehydrated."

"Why don't you have him go to the hospital?" Scott said not understanding what Amber was trying to get at.

She walked out of the room not wanting to say what she was going to say in front of the stranger. She didn't feel right telling his secret to someone else, but that was the only way Scott was going to help her. "Scott he's going through withdrawal. He doesn't want to go to a treatment center, and I don't blame him. Can you please just help me with this. I'll only need like two of them he's almost through the hard part." She knew Scott had a crush on her and if she pleaded enough he would help her.

"I'll drop it by. You owe me." He said giving in.

"Thank you and I won't forget." Amber said happily.

Her mom returned with the bucket and they both turned towards the room when they heard a loud grown out of Jack. Amber grabbed the bucket and ran into the room, helping Jack onto his stomach with his head hanging over the edge of the bed she rubbed his back as he got sick. She was shocked at how quickly her instincts took over. When he finished she helped him back onto his side and she covered him with the blankets. Replacing the cold wash cloth back on his head. She used another to wipe the sweat that was accumulating on his face, chest and arms.

Before Jack passed out from exhaustion he said, "Thank you."

"Thank me once we get you through this." Amber said to him smiling encouragingly wondering who the man was. She knew he must have been strong if he made it this far on his own, and he would have continued if her mother hadn't been a noisy person and checked on him.

When Scott got there Amber got out of the chair she occupied by the bed and walked outside to greet him.

"Are you sure you can handle this?" Scott said worried knowing Amber's past.

"Yes. I know what he's going through, and it's something someone should not do alone. I didn't do it alone." Amber said smiling remembering how much help she received when she was ready for it, it takes a lot to admit you have a problem and to face it head on, and it was draining to do so with other let alone by yourself.

"Fine. I'll stop by after work to check on both of you. Here is the saline you needed and other thing you need to hook up an iv drip. Please call me if he gets worse."

"Don't worry." Amber said reassuringly. She hugged Scott and went back to the room. Jack was asleep and she thought it was good. He needed to rest too. She grabbed his hand and worked on hooking up the IV. She tapped the IV to his hand when she finished and went back to her chair watching his chest slowly rise and fall again.

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When Jack awoke the next morning he noticed the IV in his hand and feared that they had carted him off to the hospital after he passed out. He looked around the room squinting his eyes as the light shined through the window blinding his already delicate eyes. He sat up slowly feeling nauseous from the movement. He looked around the room and found the woman who had came last night, he thought, _What was her name?_

Amber. He remembered, she was asleep in a chair. Feel a little better he unhooked the IV and went to the bathroom to shower, something he had not done in awhile. He turned the water on and waited for it to become warm enough. He felt weak almost to weak to stand. He took a quick shower and dried himself off walking into the other room where Amber was still asleep in the chair. He got dressed and walked to the front office to thank the lady who helped him last night.

Amber awoke with a start, the dream that haunted her sleep had come back. She blinked and looked around the room, he was gone. She got up quickly, and frantically looked in the bathroom he wasn't there. She feared that he might have left in a weak moment to get some of whatever he was addicted to, heroin most likely she thought.

She walked to the front office and saw him sitting in a chair talking to her mother, who was of course bragging about her. After she got her life back on track, her mother could not stop bragging about her darling little girl who was so successful now. She came from nothing and almost became worse than nothing, but now she was someone.

Jack smiled kindly at the story feeling himself start to feel bad again. She stood up when she finished and said goodbye, he was going to return to his room. He stopped when he saw Amber looking at him through the door way, "Feeling better?" She asked.

"Better than yesterday." he answered.

"I'm going across the street to grab something to eat. You want to join me. You probably should eat something." Amber said.

Jack knew whatever he ate would probably not stay down, but he was hungry. "Yeah." He answered following he across the street watching her walk they way she moved was almost entrancing.

He ordered a club sandwich hoping it might stay down.

Amber decided to pry some into the strangers life, "So Jack what do you do for a living?" She knew he had money from the car he drove to how he paid cash upfront.

"I use to work for the government." Jack answered no wanting to give to much information up, he did not want to think about what he had to go back to, nothing. That was not going to help him out now.

"What did you do for the government?"

"I worked for a division of the CIA Counter Terrorism Unit." Jack answered kindly.

"Interesting." Amber said raising her eyebrows. She couldn't help it every time she thought of the CIA the song _Secret Agent Man_ came to mind. She started to whistle the song unconsciously. Jack laughed and she looked at him, "What so funny?" She then realized what she did.

"You are the first person who has ever done that. I use to think of that all the time and I can remember my first day at CTU I had the urge to walk around singing that song to myself." Both of them started to laugh hysterically.

They finished eating small talk taking up the time. They talked about the weather, and everything else other than what they had in common. Amber and Jack walked back to the motel and Jack went to his room alone. Amber promised to check in on him in a few.

When she walked into the front office her mother began to question her about everything that went on between the two, and any information she might have gotten out of him. Amber smiled at her mom and told her, "He worked for the government that's all he told me." She smiled at her mom, both of them knowing she was not telling the entire truth.


	6. opp's

Jack could not stand the silence he needed some noise something to keep his mind occupied so he would not think about what he really wanted. He turned on the radio and flipped through the stations till he found a rock station.

__

Occasionally I feel like the walls around are closing in on me

Physically I feel sometimes I need seclusion to be free

The irony at last I see reality is my perception

And my personality is my reflection

The song spoke to him, he didn't know the group and the lead singer sounded like he was whining, but the rest was great. He listened to it and felt what they were singing about. He felt the irony of needing to be alone, but when he was alone the wall closed in on him and no matter what he does it all is the same. He was distracted when he saw a car pull up outside of the hotel. He got up and watched as a man walked into the front office. Jack stood in the open doorway, the warm air coming in bring a freshness to the room.

__

I must eliminate and change yesterday's

Yesterday's pains today

I must eliminate and change yesterday's

Yesterday's pains today

He saw Amber hug the man, and part of Jack felt bad about that. Amber seemed like a sweet person and yet he didn't know this guy, but a part of him knew they were not good together, just by the chemistry between them. He saw Amber and the man exit the front office and start walking towards the room. Jack continued to stand in the door way breathing in the fresh air hoping his stomach would stay under control .

__

I need to be set free from the smiles that are scarring my skin sarcastically

And ?? seems to comfort and freeze in full around me mentally

The irony at last I see reality is my deception

And my personality is my deflection

"Hey Jack this is my friend Scott. He just wanted to check to make sure you were still alive. He was worried the other night he got the saline to help hydrate you again."

Jack felt like a circus freak everyone watching him. "Hi. Thanks." Jack said unsure of what to do he felt uncomfortable another person knew his problem and what did he think? Jack was a junky, Hammond had that right, and now this complete stranger knew also.

Amber sensed Jack was uncomfortable and said to Scott to get him away, "Why don't we go hang out in the office for awhile."

Jack felt relived knowing he was going away. When they left Jack sat on the bed and thought about leaving. He could just get up and drive away. The worse part was over with, now all he had to deal with was the stomach craps and occasional puking, with the cold sweats and other things he already was becoming accustom to.

He was packing what he had brought when Francis stopped by to check on him.

"What are you doing?" She asked shocking Jack because he did not hear her coming.

"Packing" Jack said looking up at her.

"You most certainly are not. You came here to get rid of your little problem and I'm not letting you leave till you do. So just sit down." Francis scolded.

Jack looked at her defiantly, he knew he could take her and almost laughed at thinking he would actually have to take her to leave, he was a customer not a hostage. He finished packing and looked at her.

"Listen to me Jack." Francis began, "You can't do everything by yourself. I don't know much about you, but I know you think you can and when you can't you blame yourself, I'm guessing. You need to stay here awhile and accept some help, otherwise you are just going to go back to your old ways."

Jack looked at her, he knew why he wanted to leave and felt childish all of the sudden for the reason. He set his bad down and sat down on the bed in defeat.

"Good." Francis said walking in sitting next to him. "Why don't you tell me a little about yourself Jack."

"What is there to say?"

"Do you have a wife?" She asked looking at him.

"No." He said looking down. He still wore the chain with his wedding ring on it. It was the only thing he had left of Teri.

"Have you ever been married?" Francis said knowing she would have to drag out any information from him.

"Yes." He answered.

"Do you know any other words other than yes and no?"

"Sure." He said smiling at he.

"What happened between you and . ." She paused to wait for Jack to fill in the name.

"Teri." Jack said.

"What happened between you and Teri?"

"She died." He said in a distant voice the memory coming back of him holding her dead body in his arms.

"Oh I'm sorry." Francis said. "I lost my husband about ten years ago. It's hard to accept it." She said to let him know she knew where he was coming from. She continued with her questions, "Where do you work?"

"I worked for the government. A branch in the CIA. Counter Terrorism Unit."

Francis studied him, she had been a news junkie. She read the newspaper faithfully every day and caught all the news programs throughout the day. "I thought you looked familiar." She said looking at him.

"Huh?" Jack said confused.

"A few years ago you saved President Palmer he was a senator than. Last year you helped bring down the business tycoon who was behind the nuclear attack too." She said looking at him.

Most people had forgotten about it or never equated him with the man he use to be.

"Jack if you don't mind me asking how did your wife die?" Francis prodded knowing that he needed to face his past, trying to find what would make a man like him turn to heroin.

"She was murdered." Jack said, he tried to change the subject, "So does Amber work with Scott?"

"Murdered by who?" Francis said out of shock ignoring Jack's attempt to change the subject.

"A friend of mine. She was working for the other side we just didn't know it till it was to late." Jack answered politely without giving too much detail away.

Noticing his uneasiness Francis changed the subject, "That's a weird tattoo for a person to have." She said referring to the tattoo on his arm.

"I got it while I was undercover last year." Jack answered again being polite to his host.

"Is that when you became addicted?"

"Yes."

"Is that why?" She asked looking in his eyes.

"I'd like to believe it was the only reason why." Jack said his mind thinking of exactly what made him think it was ever a great idea. His usual wall of defense were down in his weaken state.

"Jack I'm going to give you some advice so listen up. When life deals you a bad hand of cards you have two options, you can trade your cards in or fold. Either way it's gonna be hard and theirs nothing that will make it easier. When we try to take short cuts we only make life harder." Francis patted Jack on the back and left the room, leaving Jack to think about what she said.

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Tony had been searching everywhere and anywhere for Jack. He even made up fliers with Jack's picture on it, and posted them around town so if Jack were just out being by himself he would know people were worried about him. Tony called Jack's phone along with Kim almost every hour leaving voice mails, yet he never called back. He was about ready to just give up when he got a call.

"Almeida?" He answered his new cell phone because his old one was taken back by CTU after he was rightly fired.

"Mr. Almeida I'm with the Poe Dunk police department. We received an APB for a Jack Bauer. We might have found his SUV at one our local hotels." The redneck police officer said.

"Great. I'll drive there if you would please send a squad out to check and see if it's him. He's not dangerous or anything just a missing person."

"He must be an important missing person to get an APB put out on him by the federal government." The redneck police officer stated.

Tony left the house excited he didn't want to let Kim know yet incase it was a false alarm. He drove quickly to Poe Dunk, it took about a half hour to get there and when he did he thought he arrived on another planet because the town was so small to be in California. He found the police station and the only police officer on duty sitting inside.

"Mr. Almeida?" The police officer voice matched the man Tony had talked too.

"Can we go to the hotel and see if it's him?" Tony said skipping any and all introductions ready to find Jack again and make sure he was alive before Hammond and his goons found him. Hammond was pissed at Jack's disappearing in the middle of a murder investigation among other investigations concerning Jack's actions.

"Sure. It's just across the street." The police officer led Tony across the street .

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Francis left Jack to be alone for awhile. She knew that sometimes the best thing for a person was to be left alone to think. She would bother him for more information later. She went back to the front office and turned on the TV to watch the latest episode of Reno 911. She enjoyed the show and laughed to herself when she could actually pin point police officers she knew, most of which were local, as being just like a character.

Jack sat on the bed staring at the wall thinking about what Francis had told him, and then thinking about what got him to this point. He hoped this was rock bottom because any farther down he worried he might not ever make it back up.

The silence became eerie again. He was not used to the quiet there never really was any peace in L.A. Always some noise to take the silent moment up. It made the hair on his neck stand up. He turned the alarm clock radio on and turned to a station to have the music take up the silent moments.

__

Take the way home

Leave back to Sullivan Street

Were all the bodies hang on the air

She remembers

She hides it whenever we meet

The way down I don't really care

Cuz I'm gone from there

I'm almost drowning in her sea

She's nearly crawling on her knees

He was happy the silence was gone, he could hide from his thoughts when there was noise. And that was his plan hide from them long enough to be off the drug and than move back to his life. He was not looking to break the cycle that caused the addiction, there was no need. To break the cycle would be worthless because the same things that made him live were the same things that made him want the drug. He needed those demons to help him through the days and nights. He needed the demons to keep living otherwise there was nothing left. He had accepted this a long time ago and was willing to live with it. It was funny how people learned to accept things and just live with them, even when it was something horrible.

Amber walked into the room she saw the blues on Jack's face. "Are you ok?"

"Yeah thanks. I feel much better." Jack answered.

"You want to talk about it?"

"Not really." Jack answered.

"Fine I'll talk to you. Minds as well tell you the story, you must wonder about it, and my mom will eventually getting a few of the details wrong along the way." Amber sat down on the bed next to him.

"A few years ago I meant this man. He seemed to be perfect, but than I was younger and naive. We got married and everything was great until he cheated on me and left me. It hurt me, and I had this other friend who turned me on to drugs. They helped dull all the pain in life. All the failures I had it seemed like this would help. I guess I failed again. Than one day I was on the corner ready to sell myself for the drug when a cop pulled up and arrested me. I think that was the best thing ever. My mom pleaded to the judge to just put me in rehab and no jail time. The judge was nice enough to give me community service and a mandatory month of rehab. That month wasn't enough. When I got back out I went back to my old ways till my father died. It hit me hard he had been so disappointed in me at the end. So after the funeral my mom helped me. I stayed in a room here and she watched over me while I fixed my problem. After that I went back to college and somehow managed to get a job as an EMT with them knowing my past. They have been really great about it." She added to let him know people would not always hold it against him, there was always the select few, but the majority were supportive.

"How long has it been?" Jack asked surprising Amber who thought he might not have been listening to her.

"About six years now. I'm not going to lie to you it hasn't been easy but you have to reach a point where you are ready to deal with it all."

Jack wasn't sure why he started to talk, part of him felt compelled to open up to her since she told her story. "I was a federal agent. I went undercover to bring down a drug cartel. The best way in was drugs. Part of me did it for that, but the real reason was because I was tired of living in pain. About four years ago during the last presidential race there was an assassination plot against, then, Senator Palmer. In the end it turned out to be a simple plot of revenge. Palmer had given the order for a mission in Kosovo to take out Victor Drazen, a man suspected of genocide and other war crimes. He was killing people by the hundreds and had to be stopped." Jack paused not sure how much she could handle knowing. He looked at her and she sat interested still, not passing judgment noticeably, but a part of him knew she was judging him.

"I was asked to go back to Delta then. I had been a Captain in the army a part of a Delta team, I left to work for CTU. But they asked me to go back and I did because I knew what was at stake. I hand picked the men to go on the mission. All we had to do was get into Kosovo confirm Victor Drazen was at the compound and than paint it with a laser. It didn't work out that way. In the end, all of my team was dead, and I found out that day that we didn't kill Victor Drazen but his family, his wife and daughter. He was a prisoner of the DOD, and his sons came back to break him out and seek revenge on Palmer and me. Someone gave them our names."

Amber had many question but did not want to interrupt him, she could tell he needed to tell her the story.

"I think it was the same someone who set the team up to fail. But that day they kidnapped my wife and daughter. I got them back and had to go back out in the field. I should have stayed behind, but work was always important. I found a mole in CTU too late. It was a woman I had been seeing while my wife and I were separated because she couldn't take me being distant after I came back from Kosovo. I found out that she was pregnant an hour before she died. The woman I had been seeing, the mole killed her. I caught back up with her a few days ago, and I killed her. She was going to kill my daughter again and had killed a few other Agents while trying to escape custody again. Than just a few days ago come to find out I wasn't the only survivor. A British agent had survived and was held captive for awhile. He warned me they would turn their backs on me, and I always knew it would happen, but I never expected it still. I stopped him with all means necessary even endangering his daughters life to stop him. I looked at myself in the mirror and didn't recognize myself. They turned their backs on me and here I am." Jack was tired from letting it all out. He looked at Amber who was holding tears back, she felt for him.

"I'm so sorry you had to go through all of that. Why haven't you fallen apart yet? If I were you I would be curled up in a little ball somewhere crying my eyes out if I was even still alive." Amber said unable to express her feelings they were anything but thinking Jack was a monster. She felt for him.

"And the worse thing of it all my daughter has been through all of it with me and now this. And there was a good friend in there I have treated horribly."

"All you have to do is ask them for forgiveness. If they are both as good as you say they are they will forgive you. Everyone deals with things on their own terms.

------------------------------------------------

Tony was excited he finally found Jack. When he saw the SUV his heart sank. It wasn't Jack's not even close. "That's not his." He said disenchanted and angry that the idiot cop could even think it was.

"Looks like it to me."

"it's not his." Tony said walking away. He called Michelle on the way back to see if she had gotten anything on Jack's whereabouts.

"Still nothing Tony. Do you think he's out there just getting his head together or something else?"

"I'm not sure. Hopefully he'll turn up soon." Tony said mad at himself for not finding Jack. How hard was it to find one man. But than it was Jack.

----------------------------------------------------------

Jack awoke the next morning having trouble sleeping the night before. Tossing and turning mixed in with nausea. He awoke when he heard a voice, a woman's voice singing along with music.

__

It's been awhile  
Since I could

Hold my head up high

It's been awhile since I first saw you

It's been awhile since I could stand

On my own two feet again

And it's been awhile since I could call you

He left his room in search of the voice it was so sad and yet held a happiness to it. He had heard the song before but it never sounded this beautiful and with such a sad tone to it. He walked to the first room by the front office. He stood outside the door as he watched Amber cleaning the room singing the song. He stood at the door in fear of shocking her and she would stop singing.

And everything I can't remember

As fu(ked up as it all may seem

The consequences that are rendered

I've stretched myself beyond my means

Amber continued cleaning she was thinking about all she had learned about Jack the night before. She understood most of them, but at the same time she never went through any of it so she couldn't really understand what it felt like. She wondered how he survived so long on his own. It sounded like he had a few people, but he was unable and unwilling to open up to them. Why did she care for this man? He was just another stranger, yes he had some things in common with her, but really she didn't know anything about him.

__

It's been awhile  
Since I could

Say that I wasn't addicted

And it's been awhile

Since I could say I love myself as well as

It's been awhile since I've gone

and fu(ked thing up just like I always do

She looked behind her and jumped when she saw Jack in the door way, "How long have you been there?"

"Not very long." Jack lied not wanting to make her think he was a stalker or anything like that. "You have a nice voice."

"Thanks. I was never a big fan of the band till that song. It just felt so personal to me. And ever since, even after the radio played the song to death I still love it."

Jack smiled understanding her, sometimes there were just songs that told your life story that felt so right to you and nothing could make you stop liking them. Jack's smile faded when he turned around.

Brad Hammond and two police officers came walking towards him, "Jack." Brad called in a cold voice.

Jack knew whatever this was, was now over. They came and he had to go back to his world. He cursed himself for leaving the SUV where he was at.

Brad had tracked Jack through his car. A friend of a police officer, an EMT told him about this guy who was staying at the motel with the old lady Francis. The police officer took interest and checked the plates of the SUV. "Jack your under arrest."

"What?" Jack said confused to as to why he would be under arrest.

"While Jack you fled. Your under arrest for the murder of Nina Myers."

Jack saw the look on Amber face and his heart sank, she knew the truth now. He had told her the truth, but she knew her truth now. He killed someone in cold blood and was running from the police that's all she could understand. That's all most people would perceive.

-------------------------------

Kim sat in the office of CTU still worried about her father who had not return a single call. She had all but lost her hope he would be coming back. She was almost sure an evil terrorist had captured him and was either torturing him or burying his dead body. She could barely think about work, though it wasn't a problem because nothing big was happening. No major terrorist plot to end the U.S. or kill millions upon millions of people. By CTU definition it was a boring day, nothing was happening. She thought about seeing if Chase wanted to go out after work, he wasn't able to drink yet because of medication he was on, but since he was out of the hospital now he could go out to dinner. Maybe even be the designated driver because that was always important to have the one person who couldn't drink come with so you could get home without calling a taxi that stopped running hours ago.

Michelle walked up to Kim's desk she hated to tell Kim the good and yet bad news but she had too. "Kim we found Jack. Hammond is bringing him in now."

"Great news, but you don't look so happy."

"Hammond is pressing for charges against him since he pretty much disappeared. He is going to try to say Jack was running from the incident with Nina."

Kim began to protest, "But I'm sure that wasn't the reason. He probably just needed to clear his head."

"I know, but Hammond is pissed because your father called in a favor to help Tony. Someone had to go down, and Jack is the man right now."

"That is so unfair though. They both have done so much for this country why won't they just leave them alone. Why won't they just leave him alone? Wasn't everything he had done good enough? No because they always want more don't they. You give them everything and they always want more out of you. They will continue to want more out of him till there is nothing left to take, and then they will leave him with nothing. They were going to do that just now. After they found out about the drug addiction, but they saw there was still a little left to take so they had to go for it."

--------------------------------

The drive back to CTU was in silence both men pissed at the other. Hammond didn't really want to bother Jack, he knew he was only out to clear his head and get back on track, but the higher ups wanted it and you had to do what your boss wanted if you want to keep your job. Hammond would let everyone think it was him in order to keep the peace, but in the end he understood Jack more than most would think. He had been there before not the exact situation, but he was a field op's man once, and he understood in order to get things done sometimes you had to throw the book out.

Jack thought about returning back to it all. He knew he wasn't ready and as they drove he felt his stomach roll and the symptoms of the withdrawal come back. Part of the problem with it was his surroundings. He was at peace, or as close as he could get at the hotel. He liked the company even Francis who he knew as the nosy owner, but she was still there to talk to him and encourage him. No one there wanted him to change, just evolve to learn to live with his problems, not solve them. Solving problems never helps because you just find new ones to deal with, so why not keep the same old problems and adapt to them? He knew the drugs were a major problem he had to solve but the depression and hatred were more than enough to help him stay afloat in the world.

He regretted killing Nina because he no longer had a nemesis to fight. He had to find someone new to blame is troubles on. A part of him missed her too because she understood his situation more than most because she had lived it. If she had never of killed Teri he might have been able to live with the betrayal.

When they reached CTU everyone stared as Hammond walked him through CTU to one of the holding cells. Hammond put Jack in the one that they had Marie in when they caught her. Jack sat in the chair his stomach rolling and the nausea kicking in. He knew soon the vomiting would continue and life would be one great big sh!t ball again.


	7. Cold People

Jack sat in the chair his arms wrapped around himself, trying to block out the pain. He felt himself start t shake, his muscles began to ache worse and than the feeling came. The moment before he got sick the feeling always came on, it felt like if he could just puke he'd feel so much better, so he practically begged himself to puke. He leaned over and pain shoot through his body. He fell out f the chair laying on the hard metal floor he curled up into a fetal position willing himself to block it all out. He thought that the last week was it, and he was finished with all of this, but here it came again to visit.

Michelle walked into the room to talk to Jack. She wanted to let him know that they were on his side, and everyone knew the charges were bull sh!t. She walked in the room and looked at the chair, Jack wasn't there. When she looked down she saw him curled up on the floor. She ran around to the other side unlocking the door, against Hammonds orders she entered he room. "Jack!" She said worried, she had never seen him like this.

She walked up to him and kneeled gently beside him. She touched his shoulder and got a slight reaction of shock from him. "Hold on Jack. I'm going to get help." She ran out of the room to find Hammond who was in her office like usual. "He needs medical attention." Michelle said to Hammond before hello or anything.

"He'll get it once we debrief him." Hammond said sitting in Michelle's chair.

"He needs it now. You can't do this to him. He should of went to the hospital he can't go cold turkey without help."

"He's strong he can handle it." Hammond stated.

"No he can't. What is your problem with him? Why do you want to hang him so much?"

"He killed Chappelle for one, and has done countless other things. It's not me that wants him, it's division and I answer to them." Hammond told the truth.

"Fine I'm calling the President." Michelle said knowing that as long as division told Hammond one thing he would do it.

"Fine please go above me and division." Hammond said hoping someone would help him out of the rock and the hard place he was in.

"You know the President left Jack with the order to do what was necessary even if it meant killing Chappelle. Jack tried to save him, it just didn't work out that way. In the end Chappelle made the choice." Michelle left her office in search of her cell phone. She found it at her old desk which still had not been filled. She dialed Tony's number and waited for him to answer.

"Almeida."

"Tony do you still have the Presidents phone number." Michelle almost laughed at the question who would throw the number away, and it was even funnier how they had it.

"Of course." Tony said.

"We found Jack. I need you to call the President and have him deal with division they are going to hang Jack for everything, and right now he's in no position to do anything about it. He needs to go to the hospital." Michelle said looking around for Kim she didn't see here anywhere. "Do this for me please. I got to go." Michelle said hanging up the phone almost sure of where Kim went to.


	8. JACK IN the hosptial Again

Michelle walked back to the holding cell they had Jack in. Her heart broke when she looked in. Kim sat on the floor of the other side calling for her father. Jack lay on the ground in too much pain to look up at Kim. Kim had tears coming down her face as she called for her father. It was almost like she was a little girl again.

Michelle knocked on the glass from Jack's side and motioned for Kim to walk around to the back. Michelle knew that Kim did not have the clearance to get in the room, but she would let her in, and hope Tony got in touch with the President.

Before Kim came to the door Michelle knelt down by Jack and felt for a pulse she knew he was breathing but she wanted to check the rate of his heart. She looked around for something to prop his head on, and didn't find anything. When Kim knocked on the door Michelle let her in and let her go to her father. "Tony is trying to get to Palmer now to get help. I'm going out to find some water and something to put his head on. Stay here with him and make sure he doesn't role over onto his back or stomach." Michelle left the room and went to her office where Hammond sat on the phone.

She walked in going to her locker. She pulled out a coat she had and than walked over to her desk grabbing the bottle of water she had bought over an hour ago before Hammond took over her office. She scowled at Hammond the entire time. She went back to the room where Kim had her fathers head resting on her legs she was stroking his damp hair gently. Michelle handed Kim the coat and had her put it under Jack's head. Michelle had never seen Jack this bad, and was worried for him. "Jack I have some water here. Please try to drink some. We are going to get you out of here as soon as possible." Michelle helped Jack prop his head up and she poured the water in his mouth. He tried to drink it, but ended up coughing most of it back up.

Hammond walked into the room angry at both the women inside. "What are you doing? I specifically told you he was to be left alone." Hammond looked down at Jack and had to fight to keep his mouth from falling open. Jack looked horrible.

"He needs help." Michelle said holding the water in her hand still kneeling by Jack.

"The President just called he wants Jack transported to the hospital. Are you happy?" Hammond said referring to the phone call.

"Good I'll drive him over." Michelle said standing up.

"Ambulance is already on its way. Just because he's going to the hospital doesn't mean he's escaping the charges against him."

Michelle looked at him irately. "Fine. Kim and I are leaving. If that means I quit fine. Kim are you coming?" Michelle already knew she would but wanted to make a point.

Kim shook her head still looking at her father with tears in her eyes. She knew everyone was turning their backs on him one by one. He had done so much for everyone yet they forgot and are now working against him. That was human nature she thought.

The ambulance arrived and carried Jack off to the hospital. Michelle and Kim sat in a waiting area nervous, awaiting any information on Jack. Tony joined them shortly and had his cell phone ready to update the president who asked him to keep in contact on Jack's condition.

An older woman walked out she looked around until she saw the girl who had been asking about her father earlier. The woman walked up to Kim and asked, "Are you Jack Bauer's daughter?"

"Yes. Is he ok?"

"He's fine. He's a little sedated to help him rest." The woman did not want to continue further because of patient confidentiality. She did not want to tell this mans daughter he had a drug problem if she didn't already know.

"It's the heroin isn't it?" Kim said concerned.

"He was trying to get off it by the looks of it. He did not check into any clinics that we know of, so he was doing on his own which is not recommended. A person really should be under observation because so much can go wrong." The doctor said feeling she had not divulged any information they didn't already know.

"Can we see him?" Kim asked.

"I don't know. I have to call a Mr. Brad Hammond. He has control over who goes in and out of the room at the moment. It seems, uhm . ." The doctor paused trying to think of the name of the organization there were so many out there it was hard to keep track of the three letter acronyms.

Michelle said, "CTU?" To help the doctor out.

"Yes. It seems they want him for questioning and I was told to call Hammond once we had him stabilized. I will get back to you on visiting him." the doctor left Kim, Tony, and Michelle in the waiting room.

Tony said almost to himself, "Hammond that arshole why can't he just let her in. She's his daughter for Christ sake." Tony stopped himself remember they needed to be there for Kim. "We better call Carol, and Chase." Tony said almost as a question to Kim.

"Uhm yeah. I'll call them" Kim said walking away from Tony and Michelle. She walked outside for fresh air. She was in the emergency bay when an ambulance came in with someone new for the emergency room. She heard the woman ask about a man named Jack.

Kim looked at her suspiciously. She had never meant the woman before nor did she ever hear her father speak of a woman EMT before. Maybe, and more likely there was another man named Jack at the hospital. It wasn't like the name Jack was rare. Kim's hands shook as she called her aunt Carol. She waited for her to answer her phone at work.

"Hello." Carols voice came over the line.

"Hi aunt Carol."

"Kim how are you?" Carol said recognizing the voice automatically.

"Uhm." Kim didn't want to tell her, but she had to, "Dad's in the hospital." Kim began.

Carol interrupted her, "Oh my God is he alive?"

"Yes. He's doing better the doctor said. Could you come down here please." Kim said not wanting to tell her about Jack's problem.

"I will be down there in a few hours. I'm leaving work now. Call me if anything happens between now and than."

"I will." Kim said. When she got off the phone with Carol she called Chase. She mostly wanted him there to help her out. Tony and Michelle were great friends, but Kim needed someone she could easily cry in front of and feel safe around, Chase always made things seem better. Once she filled him in he said he would grab a taxi and he and Angela would be at the hospital within the hour. Chase was still unable to drive because of his arm and was now at home till the doctors cleared him. He had to go to physical therapy to try to get all the functions back in his hand.

Kim walked back in to find Tony and Michelle arguing with the doctor about seeing Jack.

The doctor said, "I'm sorry Mr. Hammond said no one goes in or out unless they are Jack's doctor. Call him and take it up with him." She understood their anger and anguish at not being able to see him, and her heart ached because he had asked after his daughter a few times now that they had help with the nausea and pain, but she had her orders and was not about to interfere with the government and anything to do with terrorism.

Kim saw the woman EMT from before asking again about a Jack at the reception desk. Kim watched her again and her heart ran cold when she heard the woman say her fathers name, "Jack Bauer."

Kim walked over to her looking at her suspiciously. Maybe her father had more of a double life than she expected. Kim never saw the drug addiction coming, so maybe he also had a girlfriend she didn't know about. She walked up to the woman and said, "I'm sorry I heard you asking for Jack Bauer."

"Yes." The woman said confused as to who this woman in front of her was.

"If we are thinking of the same man he's my father. How may I help you?"

A little shocked because she expected Jack to have a much younger daughter Amber said, "Kind of short, blondish brown hair, and blue eyes?"

"That sounds like him." Kim said wondering why the woman was describing him.

"He was at my mothers hotel before CTU, I think it was, came and carted him away. I heard his name over the radio when we were coming in and I wanted to check on him."

"You mothers hotel?" Kim asked confused.

"Last week. He was trying to detox by himself and my mom called me to help out. She wanted to keep his wishes and help him do it alone." Amber said without divulging the real reason why her mother called her.

"Oh." Kim said feeling bad about her suspicion. "The doctors won't let us see him. CTU won't let us. He's fine I guess. They aren't giving out too much information."

"OK. I'm Amber." The woman said sticking her hand out.

Kim shook the woman's hand and said, "I'm Kim."

"I've heard a lot about you. He is so proud of you." Amber said not sure why. She wanted Kim to know she knew things that most strangers would not know, and that she would be able to help.

Kim was surprised her father spoke of her, even if it was with a stranger. Her father was never one to brag about his family. And the thought of him being proud of her almost shocked her. Her father had only told her these things on the rare occasion when he thought he would never see her again, and she always assumed he was just lying to her because he was going to die and he wanted to die in her good grace.

"My shift is almost over. Is it ok if I come back afterwards?" Amber asked not sure if they wanted her there. She wanted to be there for the stranger she barely knew. She wanted him to have someone who went through it before. She didn't want him to be alone like she was, she knew he would need help, and by the looks of things he'd need a lot.

"Yes. Please." Kim said being polite.

Amber said goodbye and left to finish off her shift. Kim went back to the waiting room still dumbfounded by the woman, and her fathers words. She sat in the chair exhausted from all the worrying. She was relieved when she saw Chase walk in with Angela cradled in his good arm. Michelle walked over to him taking Angela from him. "Hi Chase. How is the arm?"

"Getting better. The doctors think I'll get most of the movements back."

"Good. I put the paper work through to get you a desk job." Michelle and he had talked about it after he was discharged from the hospital.

"Great." He walked up to Kim and hugged her. Kim held on to him tightly letting out all of her stress and worries into his chest. He tried to reassure her, "Everything is going to be fine. You know he's too damn stubborn to give up."

Kim let go of Chase and kissed him. They sat in the chairs. Chase held on to Kim's hand with his good hand. Michelle still held on to Angela and Tony watched the little girl in amazement at how innocent she looked. All of them stood when they say Hammond and a group of his people from division walk into the hospital.

"What's going on?" Kim asked confused as to why they would be here so early.

"They are going to question Jack. Even if he isn't in the shape. They want answers." Michelle said flatly.

"Don't worry Kim." Tony said, "The president already knows and is working on getting everything cleared up. This is all just a formality."

Hammond walked into the waiting room where everyone sat. He looked at Tony in disgust the man should have been behind bars not sitting in the waiting room, but Hammond didn't get to make the decision. He said hello to everyone and than went on to Jack's room.

Jack lay in the bed. All the pain was gone for the moment, but he knew it would return once the sedation wore off. He lay his eyes half opened. His mind numb and finally relaxing. He heard the door open and people walk in, but he was so far out of it he didn't bother to look.

Hammond walked to the side of the bed and looked down at Jack who had IV's running into his arm and a machine watching his heart rhythm. The doctors were a little worried about his heart because of the pervious damage done to it. The doctor walked into the room and told Hammond everything he needed to know about Jack's condition and she tried to get the man to come back another day when Jack was in better shape, so he could answer their questions, but Hammond refused to.

His flunky set up the recording machine next to the bed and sat by it as if it had to be monitored. Hammond cleared his throat and said, "Jack it's Brad Hammond we need you to answer a few questions for us."

Jack asked in a groggy voice, "Officially?"

"Yes officially."

Jack could not refuse he could just not answer the questions, but he knew in the end it would make him look even more guilty. So he tried to prop himself up but was gently pushed down by the doctor who sat in the room monitoring Jack. She would stop the interview if it seemed it was stressing Jack to much. She knew the stress was what brought the withdrawal symptoms back on. She, had not told his daughter about how he had been almost successful in beating the drug by himself because in the end it was privileged information.

Hammond had Jack run through the day three times answering different questions each time till Hammond was satisfied he had enough to go on till Jack was better. When he finished the doctor asked him, "Can his family see him yet?"

"No." Hammond said flatly. "It's policy that we have someone isolated when there is an impending investigation they still have not answered all questions to."

"It's his family and friends. Please it will help him out a lot not to mention them."

"Sorry." Hammond said as if it were all out of his hands. When reality he could easily say Jack had answered all the question and he could even clear Jack of all wrong doings because most of the wrong doings were already covered by the President.

A woman walked up to the doctor and Hammond. She was wide eyed when she said, "Uhm the President is here to see Mr. Bauer."

"The President of what?" The doctor said.

"The United States ma'am."

Hammond smiled, they had done it again. He had no choice he could not tell the President of the United State that he couldn't go in to see the man.


	9. Why am I listening to people Chant in La...

Palmer walked down the hall way the entire world finding out about his wife and the entire incident with Millikin. He was about ready to go out of office, he wanted to fix everything before he left and this was his last issue. He walked into the hospital room Jack lay in. he looked at the man he had only seen a few times and could already tell he was in bad shape. Palmer looked at him not knowing exactly why he was in the hospital, but he didn't care Jack needed his help. "Jack."

Jack opened his eyes and looked at the President, he was embarrassed by his condition and hoped the President didn't know all of the story. "Mr. President what are you doing here?"

"Tony Almedia called me after they picked you up. I decided to fly out than to make sure everything was handled. Don't worry I will make sure everything is fixed for you. It is absolutely absurd they would try anything after all you have done for them, but I guess that's politics. It just took me to long to figure it out." Palmer said somewhat bitter, politics had ruined his life.

Jack said in a weak voice, "Thank you Mr. President."

"Soon it's just going to be David Palmer. I'm resigning. I'm sure you haven't heard of Sherry's death and the Millikin scandal, but I'm resigning. I was not even able to keep my ex-wife in check how can I expect to keep everything else in order. I am sorry for all the things I have ever asked you to do." Palmer thought about the ultimate request to kill Chappelle, "And I am sorry for your current condition. You are a great man Jack, and I hope to be able to have a drink with you one night after you get out, and possibly become great friends." Palmer patted Jack's shoulder, "I'll make sure your friends and family get to see you." Palmer left the room.

Jack lay amazed by all he had just heard. He could not believe it. And what was even more shocking was after all he had been through he could always boast he knew the President of the United States and was a good friend with him, he would never boast, but hey it wasn't something that happened every day.

A few minutes later Kim, Chase, Tony and Michelle entered the room. They all talked to Jack and tried to keep the weird vibe out of the room, most of them still in shock that Jack had become an addict. After awhile of an awkward silence there was a knock on the door. Carol walked in with Amber behind her. "Guess what I found out in the parking lot?" Amber said to Jack she knew he would remember her. She had run into Carol at the reception desk when they were both asking for Jack.

He looked up to see Carol. His face showed all the emotions at once sorrow for her seeing him like this, embarrassment for being in the situation, and happiness at seeing her. Kim looks at everyone and than says, "Why don't we all go grab something to eat and let these two talk." Kim knew her father needed to tell Carol what had happened all by himself.

Jack grabbed Kim's hand as she walked out of the room, "Wait a second." He said softly.

"What is it dad?" Kim said worried.

"Please do me a favor call Kate for me see if she is willing to come here. I doubt it but would you please try for me. They aren't going to let me have a phone any time soon." Jack said.

"Sure dad." Kim said somewhat sad that he would want Kate here, but Kate had helped him out before. Kim remembered seeing a part of her father from the past before he went to Mexico. It was just a glimpse of the man he use to be, but she knew Kate had a part in it.

Carol pulled a chair next to the bed and waited for Jack's explanation.

"Where do I began." Jack said almost to himself, but out loud.

"Why don't you tell me why you are in here?" Carol said.

"Before I went on my last mission I needed to establish a cover. It was more than that, but that was my main excuse, my main lie to myself. In reality I just didn't want to feel the pain anymore. I tried to move on and I tried to face everything, but I couldn't do it. I still thought of her every day, and waited for her to come home every night, it never happened. I was going undercover with a major drug cartel, at the time they weren't major, but they were rising in the ranks. So I decided as a part of my cover to use the drugs they sold. I had to be able to handle them, and I needed to get away from the pain, it was so easy than to choose. So I started to use heroin." Jack said looking in his sisters eyes seeing the shock in them first and than the sadness.

"Why didn't you call and talk to me Jack? I somehow could of helped. You didn't' have to resort to this."

"I know that now. But than it seemed like a good idea, but all bad ideas were a good idea once." Jack croaked.

"Who is that woman Amber?" Carol said trying to give her brother a break.

"She was someone who helped me last week."

"You tried to do this all on your own didn't you? God men are so stupid sometimes. What is going on with you and Kate?"

"I don't know. I'm sure she's mad at me. I called her or she came over I'm not sure how it happened before I went missing. I just left her that night. I had to be on my own and I had to do the majority if not all of this on my own. It was my problem not theirs."

"Jack just because something is your problem doesn't mean you should deal with it alone. Family is suppose to be there to help you, so you don't have to deal with it alone. That's what we are here for. If Kate doesn't come don't be surprised, but if you love her. And I think you do, once you get out of her go buy a dozen roses, some nice music and go beg her to take your sorry ars back."

"Do you think she will?"

"If she's stupid enough too. And you have to cope with Teri's death. Just because you love someone else doesn't mean your betraying Teri. She didn't want to see you like this Jack. She would of wanted you to move on."

"I know." Jack said weakly. His sister was having no mercy on him, which he didn't expect from her. She always came in and kicked his butt to get him to do what he had to do, and he never resented it.

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	10. Another one bites the dust

After a few weeks in the hospital Jack finally was released. All charges had been dropped and he even got an apology out of Brad Hammond. Jack laughed to himself, the joys of knowing the man in the highest place on Earth. He was wheeled out of the hospital even though he insisted on walking. When he got outside Chase and Kim waited for him. Chase was holding his daughter. Jack grabbed her from him and would not let her go for quite awhile. He couldn't but help look in her eyes and see the innocence's. Even though she wasn't his granddaughter he swore to himself to protect her from the world as long as he could so she could retain that innocent look.

Chase joked as he say the look in Jack's eyes, "Jack you aren't going soft on me are you?"

Kim smiled and said, "Babies turn him into a big buffoon. If the terrorist only knew his true weakness we would all be in trouble." They all laughed. Jack put Angela in her car seat in the back and sat next to her. He had tried to call Kate countless times but whether he called her house or her office all he could do was leave a message.

He had a few obligations, but he had postponed them for a day or two. Kim and the others wanted him to go out to dinner with them, and Amber's mom wanted him to visit them. He told them all he had to deal with something first. He invited Amber and her mom to the dinner and hoped with his plan he would be able to win Kate back.

Kim dropped him off at home and made sure he was fine. She had already went through the entire house and cleaned it out of any drug she could find, including aspirin and all other over the counter drugs. She was not going to take any chances. After a long and weary struggle she left in defeat she didn't want to leave him alone after he just got out.

Jack found his car keys, and than walked to his SUV that Tony had been nice enough to drive back up for him. He got into the SUV and drove to the florist. He bout three dozen roses that cost him a pretty penny. He sat out in his SUV writing a card for them. He went back in and had a set of roses delivered to Kate's office and the card just said, "I'm sorry I'm a big jerk."

He drove to her house and sat on the steps in the chill of the late fall. He waited for what seemed like hours till she drove up to the house. She sat in her car seeing him sit on the steps by himself with the flowers in hand. He had worked out what he wanted to say, but as soon as he saw her he could not remember a word of it.

Finally Kate got out of her car and walked over to the door. "What are you doing here?"

"You wouldn't return my calls." He said.

"And you thought you'd get better luck stopping at my house?"

"You are talking to me aren't you." He said trying to hide a smile.

"You have five minutes." Kate said crossing her arms defensively.

"I'm sorry. I am the hugest arshole that ever lived. I don't expect you to forgive me, but I wish you would Kate. I didn't leave you. I had to do it on my own, but I didn't understand you just wanted to help me. What I saw was you seeing me weak. I didn't understand than that it was fine for you to see me weak, I thought I had to be this man you needed. I have a lot of baggage and you've had to deal with it and you shouldn't have to." he paused she showed no emotion. "I'm trying to change. I'm trying real hard. I need your help. I need you Kate. I love you." He said almost surprising himself because he did love her. Just the thought of seeing her made the day seem more bearable.

She showed him no emotion when she said, "You should of figured this out a long time ago Jack. I can't do it again. I can't let you hurt me again."

Jack lowered his head trying to hide the pain he felt, but when he lifted his head again tears were in his eyes. It broke Kate's heart, but her heart was already so broken what was a little more, "I'm sorry Jack. I just can't anymore."

"I'm sorry to have taken your time up." Jack said handing her the flowers and walking away with his head hung. He looked back once to see Kate walk into the house not watching him leave. He drove away back to his house in defeat. He was going through his clothes when he found the drug kit. Kim must have missed it. He put it on the bed and studied it for awhile. His heart hurt and he knew this would take the pain away. The pain he hated so much, yet needed too. Could he let go of the pain? He knew he couldn't do it alone he needed someone there to help him, he thought Kate was the person, but she didn't want to be that person. He studied the kit one more time before he picked it up and threw it away. He didn't need the drug, it just dulled the pain, but it always came back. He needed to face it all head on, and fight his way through it. He was a fighter and he needed to go back and fight through the world. Life may deal you a bad hand but you had to change the cards in and hope for a better set of cards. That's what he would do and maybe if he begged enough Kate would eventually take him back.


End file.
